One of my most perplexing anxieties not to everyone else but also myself has been what happens when someone at my size gets comfortable with her sexuality (and my reference here is specifically to the body standards). Now I don’t mean to go on and rant about how one needs to be body positive or harp on or whine why we need this, it’s just that I have been quite comfortable with myself. Sure there are instances where I'm taken aback but that’s more to do with the label it comes with -easy lay, BBW, the fetishism, Thicc, Big Booty, chunky, flabby, plump, stout, ample,bearish, Big tits etc. Some days I embrace it more wilfully like by using it in my captions ,other days it makes me question my morality. The high's of receiving love from my girlfriends and online readers make me fall in love with myself but only for that minute or in that tiny moment till when that indulgent endorphin, the rush from the bevy of notifications continues to pour in.
Usually, when I start writing, after jotting initial lines I like to see what is out there on our open source-the world of internet. And it made me question rather twice if I must continue to write the subject. Articles surfaced like “How to feel confident and sexy when you feel old, fat and gross” or“Oversized? Here's your guide to sexual bliss”. Or “what-do-you-do-if-you-feel-too-fat-be-desirable”(Yes these are one of the many articles one would find online to motivate them, well at least that's what it preaches).
Using the medium I don’t just want to point out to why it is important but my thoughts are in a whirlpool as to why is it quite regressive as a society that one needs to either be categorized or repress their desires to feel sensual at a certain size.
While I'm known for being quite unspoken I do find it quite unsettling at times to fight it all at the forefront. Why dating a bigger woman also comes with the taboo where one finds it quite hard to introduce them to the world as their equal partners. Whereas it’s quite acceptable to put on weight right after marriage and it is well accepted that you don’t need to look more desirable anymore. While the body type is quite lusted over and seen as fertile ground to bear children if I have put it in the crassest sense, why are we repelled by the visuals of the same?On my recent trip along with my closest bunch, I shot a couple of images! We honestly did not know what direction we were headed in! Pointed out by our friends as myself and Swati were working on our imagery, we are super confident with what we wear and of our appearances in real life and wouldn't possibly change a thing but why do we feel a need to put ourselves in a perfect mold when we post out our images on social media? I'm still figuring it out, maybe you can help us after all. Sharing a few moments of Intimacy with ourselves.