Love,Lust & Friendships ft.WORDSWORTH

After my extreme amount of  PDA in pictures on Instagram I hope this has worked as a perfect bait to get you on to my -well what I would call it the DIRTY LAUNDRY blog post. Yes, I did con you into coming and reading this...you can leave now or stay and know why I did this in the very first place and bit by bit.

Sidenote: I also am going to reply to all your polls and queries with screenshots!

I'm going to be extremely honest I have been the victim of having to deal with people sharing unsolicited opinions about my relationship. Even more so when I'm the broader end of the spectrum(literally) of a  mixed-weight relationship, you really get an earful.

I have always believed relationships for me have been like my old cotton underwear maybe ..you only flaunt them to your really close family that sees it hanging on the clothing line after it couldn't get through a dry spin! Yet you can't let it go because it is your comfiest pair. Couldn't have come with a worse anecdote really! But that's how I woke up feeling today. I have certainly become no relationship expert overnight but I have had my own share of ups and downs of a lifetime.

To the most definitive time, I'm sure I have been pushing myself to write this blog but haven't have come around it And spare me today if I sound so crass but I really do intend to speak my heart out. The blog post today is notdedicated to my relationship, my story or my dating life in general. I may be open to the fact that how much I have used tinder or bumble in the places I have traveled to but I have always believed keeping my personal life to myself. 

So many questions- is he your boyfriend? How are you dating? Aren't you too fat for him? Too ugly? Oh, wait there was even a question that said differently beautiful people? Where did you even find him? How did you get him to like you?      

Now I don't mean to lash out at my readers because well it is the curiosity and I know for a fact that everyone been tired of seeing me and Sanky together where nothing would ever materialize but really it's a body positive fashion blog where I take upon my rants on clothes, lifestyle product, and my travels!

I only write this with such strong sentiments today to give people reaction to their questions. Why does everybody feel there is a need to judge a mixed size couple? Does my body isn't enough of ground to make off that it also needs to seep into my personal life. Do I need to date a fat person 'cos I'm fat?

I know many of us to hold fast the idea that opposites attract, but in reality, couples are usually more similar than dissimilar and there’s a wealth of evidence and even more science to the mindset that couples match on intelligence, attitudes, and physical attributes such as attractiveness and height. Walking upon to people on the street and judging the idea random couples has never been my thing (Yes, I’m extremely giving them a mental makeover in my head ) but not judge what their relationship could be. I have had my own share of stumble and guessing games gone wrong to which it dawned upon why did I really have to guess it, in any case, …it isn’t like my opinion would make a difference it would only lead to more awkward silences. Avoiding bringing up my notions on things that aren’t my outlook not only lead to more pleasant conversations but more promising relationships in future.

Now because everyone has been super curious about my dating life, I will bare it all! Like all post, we will touch upon the little history that I have had with boys and Men in general. Now I ‘m not the girl that enters the class or any vicinity and everything start shining. There are girls like that, are a perfect rose but I’m a freaking sunflower or an amaryllis [case in point referencing Sierra Burgess is a loser]. Nobody even knew of my existence really. First heartbreak and being dumped at 15 I felt it too. But it became such a mandate to have a boyfriend a crush I try too hard really. I resorted to internet dating- catfished at 15 ...yup I did that! Too much of a secret to contain, now that I look back at my secret life of a “teen at 15” I do realize how overwhelming it all was. Because of bulimia & hiding it away, I spent way too much time in the bathroom and under the bed. It was my favorite hideout; it seemed to make everything go away. 

High school was the perfect struggle, bachelorette degree seemed like trying too hard at everything and the late bloomer that I was in almost every aspect well it’s not hard that I had my very first steady relationship at 21. Yup that’s right I possibly couldn’t think of being the coveted childhood sweetheart as much as I wanted to.

One thing that I have really learned after getting my heart broken well let's just say, several time, I have nailed the recipe to bring my mojo back. I have learned for a fact that once you come in a committed relationship it isn’t just about you two alone, a couple doesn’t live in a vacuum and thus we are all are the preys of social commentary. Whilst there is no official data to quantify the proportion of men who fetishize fat women’s bodies, there is a lot of anecdotal evidence to suggest that it’s a thing.

Men dating me have been seen as the sort that fetishizes fat woman …what’s worse is the term BBW being used in the worst of sense and landing up on porn sites when it really just means BIG Beautiful WOMEN.

I know we cannot stop the reckless advice or opinions from the society or try and develop thick skin ‘cos let’s just face it everyone and anyone at some given point of time will have a problem and even a say on your relationship (the look and advises, really) but I can promise you one thing that wouldn’t affect you until you let it get to you. It’s a 24 x 7 commitment of understanding and unspoken words, sentiments that even the slightest gesture conveys it.

Coming back to my relationship I cannot comment but let’s just start with we are really good friends and those of you who loved his screen presence you will see him a lot more – he is a model and an actor.

Now I want to answer to all the questions that were asked on my poll and via DMs, I have taken the liberty to screenshot and put it here but one particular message really touched me and I felt so deeply for her

This message made my heart sink,I know I have been that girl in your shoes.Even after writing this 2000 words prolonged post I have so much angst and so much I want to tell! Every influencer/friends/close relative that I have spoken to have felt the very same as you and me.I honestly feel and have only one thing to say to you each one of comes with our flaws,we are anything but righteous in any sense.The boy likes you for who you are and that is the reason why he is with you in the very first place to begin with.I feel not a cent percent confident when I'm without any clothing on..you know everybody sees me as a confident woman but my very essence lies in the fact as how I learnt to style my clothes.Now take that very essence away and in that stark nakedness of not only my fat rolls and empty thought I feel extremely deprived, someone who is not worthy of anyone's love!We all go through it and the only way we could possibly come over with is swallow the bitter tablet where we bereave ourselves of love and watch our own precious self the way our partners do! Although one should never measure their worthiness by the love that they get from their partners but it's definitely means the world when you have arms wide open to welcome you back home. I think you are extremely capable and lovable,try and see if you enjoy working out with him or anything else that you want to do with him.If not,there's no rulebook which needs you to like and do the exact same things as he does.
If you are reading this today (and every one whose felt the same way) please reach out,I may not have a solution to your problem but a patient ear to listen to you.
Takecare my baby-girls and boys
XoXo