Jaded Intentions

One of my most perplexing anxieties not to everyone else but also myself has been what happens when someone at my size gets comfortable with her sexuality (and my reference here is specifically to the body standards). Now I don’t mean to go on and rant about how one needs to be body positive or  harp on or whine why we need this, it’s just that I have been quite comfortable with myself. Sure there are instances where I'm taken aback but that’s more to do with the label it comes with -easy lay, BBW, the fetishism, Thicc, Big Booty, chunky, flabby, plump, stout, ample,bearish, Big tits etc. Some days I embrace it more wilfully like by using it in my captions ,other days it makes me question my morality. The high's of receiving love from my girlfriends and online readers make me fall in love with myself but only for that minute or in that tiny moment till when that indulgent endorphin, the rush from the bevy of notifications continues to pour in.

Usually, when I start writing, after jotting initial lines I like to see what is out there on our open source-the world of internet. And it made me question rather twice if I must continue to write the subject. Articles surfaced like “How to feel confident and sexy when you feel old, fat and gross” or“Oversized? Here's your guide to sexual bliss”. Or “what-do-you-do-if-you-feel-too-fat-be-desirable”(Yes these are one of the many articles one would find online to motivate them, well at least that's what it preaches).

Using the medium I don’t just want to point out to why it is important but my thoughts are in a whirlpool as to why is it quite regressive as a society that one needs to either be categorized or repress their desires to feel sensual at a certain size.

While I'm known for being quite unspoken I do find it quite unsettling at times to fight it all at the forefront. Why dating a bigger woman also comes with the taboo where one finds it quite hard to introduce them to the world as their equal partners. Whereas it’s quite acceptable to put on weight right after marriage and it is well accepted that you don’t need to look more desirable anymore. While the body type is quite lusted over and seen as fertile ground to bear children if I have put it in the crassest sense, why are we repelled by the visuals of the same?

On my recent trip along with my closest bunch, I shot a couple of images! We honestly did not know what direction we were headed in! Pointed out by our friends as myself and Swati were working on our imagery, we are super confident with what we wear and of our appearances in real life and wouldn't possibly change a thing but why do we feel a need to put ourselves in a perfect mold when we post out our images on social media? I'm still figuring it out, maybe you can help us after all. Sharing a few moments of Intimacy with ourselves.

Shot By Shivya Koch 

Assisted by Aishwarya

Hair Sanky Evrus

Location Sapiem,Royal Villa

New Years Eve Makeup Tutorial | Quick & Easy Holiday Party Makeup Look |...

Real Conversation I - Talking about Self esteem,Plus size modelling Opportunities in India & My Global Dove Project #ShowUs

Real Conversation I - Talking about Self-esteem, Plus size modeling Opportunities in India & My Global Dove Project #ShowUs

One of those perfectly gloomy days I really don't know if I should be blaming the monsoon but the melancholy has surrounded me over 15 /20 days now...heck as I write it down I feel even more. Is it to do with the fact that I am home for my summer vacations(Yes I'm one of those people pursuing a job that allows me summer vacation-For those of you who do not know I'm a lecturer -an adjunct one for Pearl and NIFT Mumbai).
Do you see what I did there? I tried to make myself better by spelling out my profession through and through, Sometimes I feel it's become a complete extension of my demeanor & possibly the only thing that makes me happy about my existence.

I have been severely anxious lately. Writing this blog after September 2018 when I last shot with Rohed and I was talking about relationships! If you missed it I am linking it here.

One of the reasons why I stopped writing was also because I felt I wasn't writing stuff that would be
-is there a takeaway for you guys?
-I kept wondering who is actually reading it?
-in my headspace, I was creating content but in all honesty, it was just all the work that I was being offered and I kept posting that and made myself feel very occupied.

Despite the hiatus, I feel I need to get back? Why, you may ask. Some major life changes happened for me over the early start this year. I had been shooting with DOVE past November and that in my head was absolutely beautiful and also something that was saving me from creating my content. I also want to spell out today what exactly was I doing with them.

Part 1: Shot in India by photographer Prarthana Singh - Yup I was lucky to be photographed by her.
Most of you ask how I ended up getting the project honestly it just happened for me. From what I can recount -Dove, Girlgaze, and Getty Images were looking for different stories of women throughout the world for a better representation of women in media that would form a library and can be used commercially by anyone once they paid for it through Getty and had a wide array of women not just by their skin colors, looks, professional and sexuality-wise.
I beg for you to agree that the Media is a big exposure not only to younger girls but also women our age and our mothers who subconsciously are exposed to the unwarranted standard of what an Indian traditional beauty must look like-taut fair skin, Petite by all standard and long dark hair! You see our self-esteem is developed due to how we view other people reacting to us. I give my due credit to Supriya(supaarwoman on IG,must check her work out) who gave my number to Prarthna and then I was selected by the international team with my photographer consent, once they had shortlisted me and heard my story ofcourse.

It was shot in November-the idea was to cover a day in my life. We started early at 6 am -from the morning walk with my dad to my workspace to how I stepped out for a blogger event. Nothing was positioned and it all happened in the natural setting. Of course, I did change my outfits 5 times that day. This project has been released under the hashtag of #ShowUs and you ladies can still contribute to the Getty library. We had to abide certain rules-there could be only retouched of light but no skin, no photoshop to make me look bigger or smaller and absolutely no filters! Currently, 70% of women report that they don’t feel represented in media and advertising. You can’t be what you can’t see, so I have set out to change that by partnering with @girlgaze @dove and @gettyimages on Project #ShowUs. Alongside 116 female-identifying and non-binary photographers across the world, we have photographed 179 diverse, beautiful and complex womxn who we believe represent the change we want to see in the beauty industry. Our rallying cry is join Project #ShowUs.Sharing some of the images below:

                   

Cut to Jan I'm on my way to London and had the most amazing 3 days with the crew right from amazing production people-Gaby you have my heart! To the entire costume team headed by George, that sourced such an amazing variety -I mean sorry to the teams I have worked with in India you had nothing on them-I was given options! It was absolutely liberating-I yes 'I' got to choose what I could possibly wear and to me that feeling was surreal! I also happen to meet Simmone there who was another fellow Indian lady that was selected for the campaign. 

The campaign was supported by the likes of Shonda Rhimes and has currently won Silver at Lions film festival. Come April the campaign was released and I was lauded by Kayaan Contractor and Oh boy oh what was that feeling? Sharing the link to the video and images of my trip below. The trip has been the greatest gift to not just me but been a bigger part of this community that we keep harping about. It shall really bring about the change I believe in.

Also building upon my earlier statements as to why I had stopped blogging/why wasn't I writing anymore?

I have always been pitched and would like to think of my self as a body-positive blogger but all I had started doing was collaborating-yes it's a mean of income but I want to do something for myself, as a hobby and outlet to vent my feelings. This blog is a virtual diary and I am in no competition to any of my plus bloggers/influencers or models. I'm sorry but I had really not like to be a part of rat race anymore-I don't go on and fetch for brand collaborations myself. If it comes my way I'm happy to talk about it but I'm deliberately not going to ask someone. No, I haven't started to feel way ahead of myself or have any arrogance it's just that I don't want to care about my curation so much. I shall still stick to the aesthetics but I have never cared about the numbers and never will. This picnic I truly did it for myself. I got all my favorite things made a picnic basket and enjoyed my time. I worked with Shivani and Siddhi and that gave me so much confidence in front of the camera and behind, I really enjoyed myself and wasn't pressured to do certain things in a certain way. And this is what I created with them.

On a side note, I also understand what has been making me feel better

-puppy and baby videos, to be fair I always loved them but maybe it's the biological clock kicking in

-I'm open to the idea of getting arranged married yup just warming up (I need to still weigh this one down)

-I love watching Cornel(the choreographer's) Bachata video-I find it immensely calming so weird

-also been addicted to bombil fry which is definitely not a preference in a Bengali-Punjabi household (only because it's a seawater fish-yes we have that kind of discrimination and I was snooty about it too) and I think I need to thank Sanky for introducing me for this one.

-I have become more appreciative about my parent's.Both their health's are declining at a pace I am honestly learning to cope up and it's hard to be alone doing this.

And trust me if you can love me you can love yourself-I heard this Lizzo say at a concert and this is exactly what I had like to quote to you guys. The messages that I get I'm honestly so overwhelmed by it that why would you want to be like me - and I really stand by this you have to be the best of you. Love each part of yourself than more the other-only you will put yourself up on a pedestal and let people follow! I don't want you to be anything like me-I'm sorry but yes I really don't. You can be YOU and really that is the best kind of idols you want to have. Iw ould definitely say around yourself with really positive people (even if they are not happy all the time - like me :P I know this is going to be difficult but a good brick always sticks around and I'm counting on you.

This picture sums my musings for today.More in the next post, hoping to write more often and for those l'il birdies that come and read here. A big Thank You!

Adorn it your way #MySareeMyStory

What women wear can be and has been the subject of intense debate and discussion in the world. But there are as many nuances to this conversation as there are pleats in a sari because describing something “authentically” Indian — be it food, custom, lifestyle or attire — is a sure fire way of sidelining at least some regions, social classes or ethnicities. Sari — a rectangular piece of unstitched cloth — has been draped in hundreds of styles over hundreds of years in the parts of Indian subcontinent, differently by different communities and social echelons- a few years back had someone approached me I would be completely decline to wear any on the pretext of how heavy it would make me look – or well I had just be an amma. For everyone, it’s their mothers and grandmothers that showcase the exuberance of textile.I knew of the special occasions ringing the bell when my mother wore shaka–poula and her lal paara sari. For me, it wasn’t until I met my best friends Sanky and Sourav who taught me how the sari can essentially be draped and look amazing for each body type. I learned to embrace myself and how magical the piece of textile can yet literally be like water that adapts to each vessel. When I was younger, I got good at pretending to fit in. Talking about things I didn’t care about, doing things I didn’t necessarily enjoy, and making myself appear “normal” when I’m so clearly anything but. As I got older, I learned to embrace more of what made me unique and different, and learned how to be more of myself and exist in a space of truth and authenticity alongside everyone else.

But really not for the sake of posting I have had more sense of belongingness whenever I have adorned this 6 yards of cloth around me. I remember doing Craft Councils exhibitions and how all of these ladies would come to me and appreciate my sense of style even though I still wore it in a very different manner than what norm calls for I felt like I belonged with them. The black sheep that fits right like the yin to the yang.

With brands like Craftsvilla coming up with an initiative so dear that appeals to everyone's palette I personally feel they are carving a niche so good that let us find our identity that so desperately is needed in a country that is well just a really diligent mixed of extraordinarily confused minds. Letting  each woman and insisting on the fact that one should adorn the saree in their own way is what won my heart truly in this campaign. Here's how I draped it I wore the saree as usual but I draped mine as usual only taking the pallu underneath my top and layering with a tasseled jacket seen as a throw over my shoulders. No accessories just a good blowout in my hair and a pair os block studded heels I would wear it everywhere from my work to events.

I think the drape also works great for people with a pear-shaped body or if you are looking to add some definition without any belt. The peplum hemline basically helps me cinch in the waist naturally and take care of my muffin tops too.

Here’s hoping everyone find their 6 yards of love.

Redefining Ethical with Sikhat

Who knew ethical fashion could look this good, honestly I’m all for sustainable fashion where they actually just don’t plaster “cotton & handcrafted” and sell it as ethical. Even though I am a pretty seldom user to ethical fashion I have worked as an industry long to know my fair trade fabrics -procurement/growth & the final translation into garment. An anti-fit garment doesn’t justify it being the new indie sustainable brand.  With a sudden surge of available brands it often becomes quite the task to know your ethnical fabric and eventually garments. Surveys repeatedly show that there has been-and indeed continues to be tremendous confusion over the sustainability impacts of cultivating and extracting textile materials. Synthetic fibre is seen as “bad” and natural fibres as “good”. This preconception is influenced by a complex set of factors influenced by a complex set of factors including raw material renewability, biodegradability and stereotyped associations made with chemicals, factories and pollution.

Certainly there is no dispute to the fact that producing synthetic fabrics impacts on people & environment, natural fibre cultivation can also cause a substantial amount of negative impact.

 Let’s clear the air with my understanding and in simpler words - When I say "sustainable" and "ethical", I am referring to fabrics that were produced in a manner that was respectful of people and planet as verified by internationally recognized certification, such as the Global Organic Textile Standard (GOTS). ^1* So it’s quite important that we understand that essentially that when brands say they use only cottons they aren’t being ethical or conscious. We need to understand the source of it- we often think of cotton when talking "sustainable" and "ethical" fabrics, but other examples are bamboo (although, it turns out bamboo fabric is sadly not so sustainable after all) and hemp, as these come from plants that require little water or pesticides and regenerate easily. 

A revolution is  underway in today’s organizations, labels and even designer labels. Today I’m introducing a quaint homegrown talent for their label Sikhat.

I don’t think modest fashion comes to me very easily now. Growing up I always have had flabs but I was never refused or asked to stick to one kind of clothing- which basically incase of us fatties( as known forever) is Kurta and  uglier reformations of tunics. I’ m done away with modesty having said that I’mreally comfortable wearing everything and anything as long as it fits in my vision and also through the fact as too how many ways I could possibly style it?

 So when I was approached by @labelsikhat I honestly was a little too apprehensive. Now don’t get me wrong I love people who can really have the sense of style which I want to channel but fail to.

Probably also because I’ve grown extremely comfortable in my skin. As people talk about influencer and I had quite intriguing revelations yesterday on my live session I really do wonder what kind of influence am I? 

More than letting you know what to wear and what not to I really just want you to know it’s your body and your opinion so please whatever you like. I do not by any means want to promote the fact that one needs to wear makeup, don wigs or wear extremely skimpy clothes all the time. I try and strive to wear and try everything-there is no do’s and don’ts I would want you to follow. It really is my fashion diary that I like to share with you guys. Coming back to #labelsikhat it’s not some brand that approached and we got to barter n just do the shoot going. It’s really the team that put heart into hearing me out and making me that perfect dress. The underlying boho lineage and the comfort just tops everything besides the price point.

I picked up two outfits from the label-a dress and a tunic. I styled them in quite different ways visibly. The length of the tunic was comfortable to be worn over a pair of distressed shorts and cinched in with my conch shell belt and pair of beaded flats. So my inspiration was taking boho-an eclectic intergalactic boho really and added such accessories and makeup to complete the look. I have used flash tattoos or my eye makeup too and really played around with summer colours for my look.

For my second look I really like it more toned down since the outfit in itself speaks so much – the tulip sleev details and the ruffles on the dress. What I really loved about the dress is that it looks like a cord set. But just one garment that you can take from desk to dinner.

The label is run by two lovely sisters who really put their heart and head into making ethical garment and we can only do so much as help them out by support them. What’s even makes it a sweeter deal is that they have a zero waste policy –they recycle every bit .They even send me a sweet little fanny pack that I shall be using for my travel super soon.

Another adventure coming real soon ,hope you like the post and let me know what do you think honestly?

See you soon my peaches

XoXo

🍑

My quick escapade with Beach Box Hotel

I had the opportunity to get away for a few days –The Bali fever really hasn’t worn off. During my time here in goa I had the opportunity to experience this new property. The All American style motel is upcycled from shipping containers. The detailing about this place is amazing -everything is basically up-cycled and the attention to detail is surprisingly very integral and aware of the space. They have some really good workshop coming up and even an up-cycled shop which you should keep a keen eye on.

The red pool was my sole reason to book the place at first, it as picturesque as it looks. It is smaller in size than it appears to be in the picture but it was definitely a different experience to take a dip in may I say, blood pool. The superior room was my comfort level with the absolutely adorable copper lined bathroom.

 Talking about the location, the resort sits along the picturesque Baga River, on the seaward side of Baga Bridge (may I say the right side of Baga and away from the hustle bustle). I particularly liked it sitting between Baga- Arpora lane.

I have to appreciate the restro-bar way beyond! It completely exceeded my expectation, take advantage of that offseason and connect with the restro staff - You will be served exquisite Goan styled meals or for that matter even juicy burgers! Just make sure whenever you are ordering the seafood you ask them a day prior so that they procure the catch according to your liking and marinate it well.

My must-order here is the Prawns Tawa and Rava Fish Fry, also the chicken burger in BBQ sauce! The cocktails are so well priced and the bartender makes it extremely well. I also could make a tiny bit recommendation here with the Pirate's Dream, Vanilla Sky & Good 'Ol Shantaram!.

I think we can do better in terms of lighting - like's there's ample of lighting once you open their large windows which I don't think enable you enough privacy. So lighting - better white light can be installed above the dresser. Windows could have been on the other side of the container which could have given more sunlight and privacy!

Summing it all up I cannot wait to go back for their food and a dip into the red pool.

I'm absolutely looking forward to their new property "River Deck" which should be completed soon and can't wait to be back. Keep up the great work team and thank you for making our stay so comfortable. In an off season as the monsoons I couldn't have chosen a better place, better recommendations to make the most of my short stay! Looking forward to see you soon.

XOXO

p.s. Here's the link of the website my pictures don't do justice to the place, see it for yourself. Also you can catch me on Instagram for more BTS of the Hotel.

That Lux Leathercraft: Töhl

The handbag is our all sorts of essential. For me, it seems I do carry my whole world around-I’m the over packer. I may absolutely need the substantials of what I could probably fit into a clutch but oh well what if? – What is there is a rain deluge? What if I need a quick makeup fic? Or worse what if I need to shave my legs or brushy teeth! Yes, I carry pretty much everything around with me; My colleagues at work literally know I live out of the bag with an extra change in the lockers at the workspace. As much as spontaneous I am with my plan I absolutely believe in over planning.

That demand for constant content, though, means me trying to get multiple partnerships, which is why I need to probably tie up for more brands. But I’m someone who really hasn’t had more exposure any sort of luxuries really – and not to bluff about it. I had rather make and try everything as I work upon myself.

In the handbag department of my closet I have been pretty lucky really ‘cos my dad traveled around the world and while I did not have much exposure to luxury brands I did know more high street brands before most of my peers. I remember hugging on to my precious Cath Kidston backpack in high school!

So when I was gifted the Chiswell bag from Tohl it really was love at first sight. Now I always kinda shopped around at the airports lurking for the sale and bought leather handbags from Aldo, Accessorize and Charles & Keith! Not the greatest quality but certainly that edge in design and functionality that I liked. I’m the kind of person who would build their outfit around one piece whether be it a bag, a blouse or a footwear really!

It just really starts building this capsule wardrobe in my head automatically so if that’s not happening I most likely will not buy the item.

Coming back to the bag it is definitely become my everyday bag for well just about everywhere. I took it to my work and then it found it’s way to  Delhi,Bali, and Goa –I think the Chiswell’s quite the traveler! And this is all in a months time. I will confess not the best place to travel with pure leather but I was too tempted not to!

Today I’m sharing two looks with you-let me know which one do you like better? I may go on and share my workwear looks too later on but I really just spearheaded into styling the bag into a tropical vibe which is not something leather handcrafted bags aspire to be. I think they need to live a little and obviously, I have to show them some major TLC but I’m all for it!

I hope you enjoyed my looks put together and try some for yourself albeit not forgetting the bag! These babies are handcrafted with utmost care.You know what I love about the brand most is it’s relativity to our Indian sensibility and usage. It combines aesthetic and functionality under the crown name of Tohl meaning “skin”.

I will see you soon in my next post which I’m most likely drafting as you read.See you on the other side, my beautiful ladies.

XOXO